There has been much happenings in the last year or so. The last week or so has really allowed me to dredge through some of the past events and reevaluate the situations. I can truly say after a very recent night I had wanted twice! And both times, it got messed up! I admit, I am partly to blame for the degradation of both of those relationships.
I feel like a dear friend of mine, and even though he is older than me, we both know what each is going through. We both have gone through a "divorce." And we both thought we had found a new partner, but loving being so unpredictable, tore what we had found apart! We both have admitted that if we had the chance to go back a know it would work 100 percent, we would in a heart beat without thinking twice.
What is so hard about life and finding that man you want to spend your life with is, having so many criteria. You will have your looks, your character, your personality, your heart, your attitude, maybe even your penis requirements...point being there are just so many criteria that have to be met for you to be happy, it is almost impossible to ever truly be happy. So when do you stop? Or is it even possible to stop?
I know I do not want to be at a point in life where you go out every other night at the very least, if not every night and find someone to talk about or bring home. Coupled with all the drinking and smoking...just a bad place in life. I want to meet that person that is literally a living reproduction of the painting I drew of the partner and life I will have with him so that I don't fall into a horrible rut.
What is the worst is when you have the reproduction in front of you and it walks away! Whether its because you didn't want to get out of that rut in life or because the reproduction is not ready to be your painting. It just kills you to see that perfect reproduction walk away! All you want to do is cry. And even after you have cried, in this situation you don't feel any better because you know that crying did nothing to render the situation workable.
The most important thing to do is just keep look for the perfect reproduction. Cry if you have to, dance if you must, or just walk, but don't ever stop for more than a glance to see which road is next at the fork. Life is a journey. God has a plan for me and for you. He gave you the gift of how of choosing how to get there. Your choices may not hurt at all, or they may feel like you have been hit upon the side of your head with a frying pan! Life is all you and all me. Walk or run to the finish line, but never fall short of that ribbon at the end of the road!
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