Day and Night

Day and night are two totally different parts of life. The day time is joyful and splendorous. The night time on the other hand, is filled with fear and terror. Sometimes those rolls can be turned around completely. Either way, having different feelings of the day and night are not good.

For quite some time days and nights have been completely different. I think it stems back to the beginning of last summer. During the time I was having cold feet. I was scared. I misconstrued that feeling of fear as being tired and out of sync with the person in my life at that time. I honestly can say that moment put me a road of doom. I have had issues with committing ever since then. I was happy more at night than I was during the day. I had to face my fear during the day rather than at night. Then my nights became filled with fear and terror. As soon as those fell to be synchronized, I simply responded out of fear.

I personally think people respond to the situations at hand with the most abundant feeling they have at that very moment, whether that feeling is known or unknown to that person. There are many reasons any particular feeling can be unknown to a person. I can honestly say I did not realize it was fear that drove my life into a downward spiral until just yesterday. Scary huh?

As soon as those feelings of terror was synchronized to be during the day and the night, I set the fear free. I did what I thought was best at that time. I now know that my decision quite possibly was the wrong decision and could have been made on a foundation of sand. While I realized all of this previous knowledge, I also was enlightened to the current situation in my life.

I again am at a point of imbalance. It is unhealthy. Unhealthy for me, for a person that certainly does not deserve anything bad in their life because they have done nothing wrong, and it is unhealthy for the person that has suffered through out their life. I realize having an imbalance can sometimes take you to a point of balance, but this time I am pretty sure that this point of imbalance is leading me to a road where I was last May. I have an inkling that this May in the year of 2009 will be a repeat of May in 2008, except to someone else. And that someone else does not deserve any of that!

Having an imbalance is scaring me. I thought that the imbalance was just during the day. I would experience everything that could be wonderful, at night. I never could carry that on to during the day. And just recently, what was being experienced during the day time has been carried into the night. What to do?!

Only time will tell how to handle this situation. For now logic dictates to stay put and live with the familiar until you are sure of a better course of action.---I never thought I would say that...
Can I or will I ever separate these two natures so that I can figure out this conundrum.
Oh Lord; what should I do?!