Self Protection

I can cover just about any emotion. I can shield my mind from just about anyone. I can blanket the world from my eyes. But I can't stop my own heart.

I have had some very interesting happenings go on in my life recently. The most important coming to the realization that covering myself from emotional pain has lead to my emotional pain. I had someone tell me that by protecting myself from pain I am actually portraying a person that is not me. I protect myself because I don't want to get hurt, but then I protect myself so much that I become blind to how people view me.

I hide facts about my life. I hide how I truley feel in certain situations. I recently left my church that I have belonged to for twelve years because I now longer believe everything thing that they believe. When I finally came to this decision and acted out the decision, I became numb to the world. It took me days to thaw out. I certainly felt as though my faith life took a big stabbing to. For the first fourty-eight hours I needed reassurement I made the right decision and what I have come to believe is the truth. I prayed and prayed. I had my prayers answered. I put up one status on facebook and it turned into a mini blog and a wiki to the Bible. The responses I got made me so happy. I could not have asked for better reassurement in my beliefs.

Out of all of this time I have spent pondering on the subject of self protection, I have to come to conclude I have much to learn from the new things I experience in life. I have come to the conclusion I need to disclose more about myself and who I am and how I am feeling to people that matter. To build stronger relationships I need to have less firewalls and more open lines.

Self protection is good, but sometimes it over powers you and consumes your life and becomes very apparent to everyone what you are doing.